Nudes and Prudes

neat

Today the Montana legislature turns it’s eagle-like vision toward a problem that has plagued humanity since the days of the Garden of Eden – genitalia, and the inability to maintain a level of decorum when presented with the family jewels. HB365 is a blatant attempt by the pruderies to conceal the human body in ways best left for the Sharia courts of foreign lands, not for the land of the free, home of the brave.

If you can’t handle something as innocuous as the Naked Bike Ride, or the No Pants Subway rides, you need to get therapy, not pass laws. The human body is not a weapon, and shouldn’t be feared.

The people pushing these laws are the supposed prim and propers who spend upwards of  80% of their time thinking about naked people, people having sex, genitalia, and gays doing whatever it is they think gays do (rearrange the living room while indulging in the kinkiest of sex – the leather makes them do it – one surmises from the insanity they spout). They think a nipple can assault you from 50 meters away. They believe that a penis is more dangerous than a pistol, and would like everyone owning one to register it as a deadly weapon.

The penis. They are against any registration for pistols.

The complete disregard for servicing the actual needs of the citizenry of Montana is on full display today as they attend to this non-issue. Montanans deserve better, but alas, they haven’t voted for what they actually deserve.

It’s all quite exhausting to watch, and engorges a thirst only quenched by a whiskey. Today, we suggest a Roughstock Montana Black Label served neat. Maybe take two.

–E. C. Bourbon

Another, please

Bourbon & Frost

It seems that the Montana GOP has decided to besmirch their former good name and have instead lined up, rank and vile, to attempt to destroy anything and everything that makes Montana wonderful. It’s driving us to drink.

Currently, we have the Brotherhood Of Koch pulling the same disingenuous malarky that Grover Norquist has pulled in the past, the only difference being that this time, Norquist doesn’t appear to be the largest knob in the sack. For once.

AFP head Zach Lahn has been tasked with twisting the arms of the more moderate GOP legislators, and with the help of ROUS like Art Wittich, Austin Knudsen and Sarah Laszloffy, has managed to turn the Republican caucus into a FireSwamp.

It seems that some of the members of the caucus are fighting back, but how much fighting can they do when the money being spent is literally in the tens of millions? Montanans are strong, but unless we give these fine folks a bit of help, all we’re going to see is the political equivalent of what these bastards want to do to our public lands: slash and burn!

It’s only Monday, but for the insidious perfidy espoused by the deranged leadership of the Republican caucus in the Montana House of Representatives, we need only one thing – a stiff drink.

Today, we choose the original Old Fashioned. Join us, won’t you.

–E.C. Bourbon