Civics Lesson for the Family Foundation


Today saw a lot of action at the legislature, most of which is interesting if, ultimately, a posturing pustule of insanity promoted by those anti-government elected officials. One would presume that being anti-government would preclude you from running for office, yet there are so many in office in Montana, it appears to be a prerequisite for filing in some counties. Off point, but interesting nonetheless.

The land grabs attempted today were both literal, with several bills attempting to remove federal lands within Montana’s borders to the care and maintenance of the state—because we have so much extra money idling about we need to own the land—to the metaphorical attempts to create new power structures in the state that, at a glance, are not only ill-advised, they are patently unconstitutional.

Hate Puppet Representative Debra Lamm has put forth several education bills promoted by the unfortunately-named Montana Family Foundation, the most egregious of which attempts to strip the power of running the schools from the school boards and from the Office of Public Instruction, and specifically stops the state from adopting anything of common core.

It seems we have yet another fool who the education system failed that has somehow landed in a position of power attempting to dismantle a system that she doesn’t understand, and certainly holds in contempt. One cannot guess how spectacular Ms. Lamm’s failures in academia were, but one guesses that the fireworks shows celebrating our disassociation from The Crown would pale in comparison.

HB376 attempts to create a new state-wide school board made up of members of the legislative education committees, and gives that board the power of yea or nay to any and all curricula attempted to be taught in the various schools around the state.

Shuttling aside the audacity of a member of the “less government” movement essentially tying the hands of the local boards on every matter to the whims and mysticisms of the members of the legislature, taking such action would effectively destroy education in the state of Montana as everything that is taught must first be approved by this new master board. Everything. Additionally, the entire business of the Office of Public Instruction would be subverted to actions of this committee, which is both a violation of the separation of powers, it’s also a destruction of the checks-and-balances that help to keep our government running. If you’re in need of a civics lesson to explain how the government structures are to work, you should not be an elected official representing anyone in the state of Montana. If Ms. Lamm is representing you, and you are not upset by that disgrace, might we suggest you abdicate any future voting. It would be best for all concerned.

Should Ms. Lamm’s calamitous bill be passed into law, the educational foundation afforded to all Montana’s children would be eradicated by the ideology espoused by the Tea Party currently holding power over the GOP.

Science? While that may continue as the name of the course, the opening of the class would have the teacher saying “turn to page 161 in your bible” instead of accessing any sort of scientific writings at all.

Sex Educaton & Health? This would be a one hour class per day where students would be told to pray away the feelings and should they fail that, they are getting what they deserve, be it AIDS or a child. Or both.

Fine Art? Cancelled completely due to nudity, demagoguery and Robert Mapplethorpe.

Whilst our mokery could easily continue forever with each point made we’d have to take another shot of aquavit, and we might very well pass on, given the amount of aquavit that would require, yet today we still recommend a single finger, middle or otherwise, of Skadi Aquavit from the Montgomery Distillery to help wash away the distasteful derangement of HB376.

We urge the legislature to back off the insanity and vote down these bills, but we aren’t holding our breath. One fervently hopes that Governor Bullock is already stocking up on red pens to save our state from this ignorance.

—E.C. Bourbon