Tinfoil Trilby


As astute viewers of the Montana Legislature, we find that certain thematic choices seem to have been made well prior to the elections, and which now are bearing their poisoned fruits. Today was no exception as, bright and early this morning, Misrepresentative Randall Pinocci took the stand to proclaim, once and for all, that the United States is a sovereign country that will brook no nonsense from anything related to the United Nations, or the EU, Russia, The Ottoman Empire, Constantinople’s Ghost or those pesky kids. No sir, it shall not stand. Yea, we are pestered with the madness that is “Agenda 21” and the fear-mongering mongrels that spout about it feel the need to prove their own insanity whilst wasting the tax-payers precious time. Pinocci’s Mentally Unbalanced HB583 aims to cut off the Agenda before it can while its way into our very soil. Because it’s like a worm.

On Arrakis.

The Spice must flow.

As if that wasn’t enough, this small minded imbecile is also attempting to update Landlord-Tenant law, because some retaliation has happened against some landlord, some where, and the current law only covers retaliation by a landlord, not retaliation against a landlord by a tenant.

Which isn’t true, because the only thing a tenant could do is break a lease or damage the property, both of which are already covered. This bill would give landlords another tool to attack tenants, which, as anyone who’s ever been in an unbalanced power-struggle will attest, the party with the most power always needs more tools.

This bill, being both redundant and ignorant, at least shares those qualities with Mr. Pinocci. And we tip our hats in his general direction, mostly to cover our smirks at the shiny foil adorning his pate.

If we must celebrate nuts, we choose to do so not by giving credence to these morons, but instead by tippling quite possibly more than is advisable of Whistling Andy’s Coconut Hibiscus Rum.

What can we say? It’s already been that sort of week.

—E.C. Bourbon